why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
