so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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