She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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