So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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