I think about you every night.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS