the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"