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Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Randomize
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