Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
