If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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