Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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