I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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