3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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