tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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