I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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