Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I faked an abortion last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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