Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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