You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
