Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
