evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
