guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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