She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
