OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
