Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
