Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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