my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
