WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Drunk is a universal language darling
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