Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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