I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
