he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
