My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
