Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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