"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
