i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
