if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
