I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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