I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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