apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
