My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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