hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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