Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
