im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
