so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
