You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
