My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
