last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come on in and take your pants off
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