need another drink. this is the easiest way
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
