I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
