So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
