is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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