dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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