I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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