ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
