I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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