I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
