and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
