Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
