Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
