im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
