i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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