Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
