my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
