youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
