i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
